the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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