I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
