I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
