I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
