What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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