You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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