I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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