why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
