I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
