He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
