I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
