How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
