The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Someone came in the potted fern
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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