Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
