u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
