I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
