I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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