hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
