Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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