Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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