Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
