just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
