its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We're too hungover to prance.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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