I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
