why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
