I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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