i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
