I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
