just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
