I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
