I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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