he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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