Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
