i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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