he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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