Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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