It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
