worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
