yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
