i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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