worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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