Umm I'm too high to move.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have fence marks all over my body
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
