pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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