so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
