Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.