Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
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I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.