the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.