ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina