So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.