she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.