My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
