he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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