You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.