everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
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I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well