I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Acid is not a monday night drug
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.