The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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