I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
