the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
wow bdsm is so cute
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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