he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
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i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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