Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
