woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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