im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
