People in love make me want to vomit
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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