Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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