Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
