she woke up with a sticky ear
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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