My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
