I heard we made out
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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