I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
