took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
