maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
