I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
