oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
