That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
