So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
