apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
