life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
