I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
