I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We have started to decorate penises.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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