i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
