She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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