I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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