took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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