new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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