the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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