Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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