So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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