Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
