Taylor Swift is so right about you.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
