Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
