I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
